Hi Everybody,
It's just 5 o'clock in Kew. Dark and cold and windy and wintry outside. I've been sitting over a hot keyboard writing all afternnon so I'm itching to be off to the gym for a workout. Just time to write the blog. We were talking last time about this intriguing concept the Losada ratio, a measure of negativity in relationships, and that's where we pick it up.
' Most of us I'm sure won't have been aware of anything so specific as the Losada Ratio, but if we think about it even briefly, we can all recallsome experience of how this kind of subliminal negativity can affect us in everyday life. As we've mentioned, we can all recognise at once the huge difference that exists between the positive, optimistic, hope-filled colleague we happen to know at work who gets things done, and inspires others to get things done, even in the most challenging circumstances, and the opposite, the destructive, paralysing effect even a single, negatively-inclined colleague can have.
So too, our own negativity, when it is not recognised and resisted and overcome, can have a powerfully destructive effect, not just on our own lives, but on the lives of all those around us, al those whom our life touches. And as we now know, from the social research, the ripples of that effect do spread further afield, to touch the lives of their friends and colleagues too. And that word 'recognised ' is obviously crucial, because as Buddhism argues, it is the recognition above all else, our growing awareness if you like, of what is going on, that leads us to take positive action. It is only by being constantly vigilant and mindful of the reality of our negativity, and it's potential influence on our life state, that we are able to go into battle against it, and so begin the process of change, to establish control over the negative side of our nature.
It's not easy of course. Nor ever wholly won. As I've mentioned, Buddhism often presents the battle against negativity as a daily encounter, one of the main reasons for the discipline of the daily practice, to help us summon up our optimistic an dpositive spirit, and to drive out the negativity. And it's important to be clear, that being optimistic definitely doesn't mean unrealistic. So it does not mean denying the existence of the negative, or just pushing away any unfavourable information that comes at us. It doesn't mean constantly trying to control situations that simply cannot be controlled; we can never hope to establish complete control over the circumstances of our lives. It does mean applying effort, making a conscious effort to make that difficult positive choice, rather than that easier negative one. Our optimism that is, has to be broad enough and deep enough to embrace the sad, and the painful, and the suffering, as well as the joyful.
However hard it may be to achieve, it is undoubtedly a strategy that works. As I wrote that passage originally I had just emerged from a battle with cancer that had gone on over three years. I was able, joyfully, to use thepast tense because I'd come through to the other side. I had just been signed off by my consultant. So I can now say it was a battle, that involved me in a fair bit of physical and mental pain. But the key point I want to make is that as soon as I became aware of the cancer's existence, so too I became aware of my ability to embrace it as part of my life. an unwelcome part, but nonetheless part of me, and by embracing it I felt enabled to fight it positively, rather than be fearful of it. And all the time I was keenly aware that my stable optimism about my life, my overall sense of well-being was not dependent on only good things happening to me.
And that surprised me. '
Well that's it for today again. I'm off through the wintry gloom to the gym.
I hope your'e off to somewhere pleasing as well.
See you next time.
PS Just the usual reminder, you can get the book in an instant from Amazon, either as a pretty looking paper back or as a download for your Kindle. Both fantastic value!! And good Xmas presents for anybody whose life you might want to enhance!!
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