Hi Everybody,
Beautiful spring day again here in southern England, clear blue cloudless skies and bright sunshine, and the trees busting out all over with white and pink cherry blossom, and the pale green leaves. Enough to make the heart sing as I was walking Gatsby through the trees in Richmond Park early this morning. Dog owners get the best of the day I'm inclined to think. Up early and out there while the dew is still on the grass. I'm sure I handle my e-mails completely differently because I've already been for that blow in the woods. Impossible to be grumpy...even when it's been raining!!
Anyway, grumpiness apart, we're back with this putting together a philosophy of life that is strong enough and resilient enough not to be dismantled when the next bout of tough and problematic stuff arrives, as it surely will. We're on page 91 of The case for Buddhism.
' If we look at som,e of the social and psychological research over the past ten or fifteen years or so, on dealing with stress and hardship and the kinds of problems that confront all of us at some stage in our lives, we find a quite extraordinary similarity of view with some of the things that we have just been discussing within Buddhism. I choose that word ' similarity ' with some care because of course the scientists don't have anything remotely Buddhist in mind when they are carrying out their research studies. Of course not. But that having been said, you can find all kinds of familiar and pleasing echoes when you read through their work.
Once you dig beneath the objective and scientific formality of phrases like ' construing benefit in trauma ' to get down to the actual human detail of the studies, and the understanding and the advice that emerges from them, we find ourselves in very familiar territory.
So where the problem is of an everyday naturefor example, the sort of thing we can all encounter at any time, such as having money problems so you find it difficult to pay the bills, or a troubling and disturbing dispute with a partner, or long-running dissatisfaction at work say, the psychologists talk about what they call problem-focused coping. Basically that means facing up to the problem, embracing it you might say, rather than trying to ignore it and letting it fester on. That means making a solid determination to do something about it, drawing up a plan of action for example and then putting it into effect. Any practising Buddhist would feel wholly comfortable with that sort of guidance. The only difference is that he or she would also immediately put the problem into their daily chantingto harness their compassion and their courage in tackling the issue.
Where the problem is clearly not everyday, and not resolvable in that way, because it involves the death of a loved one for example, or the break-up of a long-term relationship, or a life-threatening illness, where the emotional impact can be utterly overwhelming and uncontrollable, then psychologists talk of emotion-focused coping. That is to say, seeking ways to lessen the personal emotional burden by sharing it for example. Seeking support from close friends, or by getting involved in activities where you can play a role in helping others get through their problems, so you are drawn away from your own grief. Once again that sort of guidance sits right at the very heart of Buddhist compassion, and altruism, seeking to create value in other people's lives, rather than looking inwards and focusingn upon our own immediate problems or difficulties.
Moreover the psychologists go on to talk about the immense emotional benefit that can come from encouraging people to try to see beyond the pain and grief, to grasp the learning, or the personal growth, or the deeper appreciation of the preciousness of each day of life, that can come from going through such a challenging experience, and emerging on the other side, a stronger person. The psychologist Sonja Lyubomirski tells the story for example, of a wife who lost her husband after a long wasting disease, and who was able to see beyond her pain to say something quite extraordinary,
' I don't mean to be a Pollyanna, ' she said, ' but I had twenty wonderful years with that man. There are many people who don't have one day as happy as I had. It took me six months after Charley died to realise that that feeling will never go away. It's like the grand Canyon. There's this big hole, and it hurts like hell, but it's beautiful.'
I have to say that when I read that I find it not only immensely moving, almost to tears, but also deeply hopeful and encouraging. The psychologist concludes,
' Indeed most survivors experience a great deal of distress at the same time as reporting strengthening and progress. So the uphill road that leads to a more fulfilling and more meaningful life may be laid with stones and punctuated by troughs. There's absolutely nothing good about tragedy and loss, but something good can come from the struggle in their aftermath.'
Daniel Goleman expresses something very similar when he writes;
' There's much to be said for the constructive contribution of suffering to the creative and spiritua life; suffering can temper the soul.'
So it is clearly possible for us to master this powerful lesson that suffering drives us deeper, that something immensely valuable and life-enhancing can come out of the pain and the grief. It is not just a loss. it can be a great gain. '
Whew. That's enough I think. Possibly too much perhaps? As I've mentioned before , it's quite difficult to keep the argument going smoothly, and yet chop it into reasonable chunks. Hope I don't get it hopelessly wrong too often.
Keep well. Keep reading1
William
Saturday 29 March 2014
Monday 24 March 2014
my buddhist blog number 27
Hi Everybody,
I went to a very interesting discussion meeting last night in which we talked about dealing with our anger. Both Buddhism and modern psychology tell us that we all have it of course...part of our inherent humanity...but there were some really interesting experiences of people experiencing really strong and potentially destructive anger, but because of their practice, being aware of it in time to deflect it, and in fact re-channel it, to enable them to create real value.
Anywhere we're in the middle of the Problem Paradox, how do we develop better strategies for dealing with all the tough stuff that life throws at us. We pick up where we left off last time.
' Moreover Buddhism goes on, the greater and more challenging the problems we embrace in this way, the greater the potential happiness they can release, since they demand so much more of us. They force us to demonstrate so much more courage and resilience to overcome them. They make us grow you might say... And although it may well seem counter-intuitive when we first bump into this idea, if we think about it even briefly, we can see that this kind of perspective on life does indeed chime with our experience. Think back to times when you have succeeded in overcoming a really difficult problem in your life, something that you felt had the potential to really knock you off balance, or change your life for the worse, something that even inspired a certain amoun tof fear or panic. And these events are by no means rare in our lives; loss of a job for example, or break up of a long-term relationship, or cancer, or some other life-threatening illness, or the death of someone you love.
When we overcome these potentially life-diminishing challenges, we may well continue to feel a certain amount of pain, that is not uncommon, but each time the victory gives a powerful boost to our sense of confidence and capability. We feel strengthened, and the bigger the threat to our stability we've overcome, the greater the boost. For some considerable time afterwards we experience a much greater confidence in our ability to deal with things in general, not just in that particular area, but right across the spectrum of our lives and activities. And with this increased confidence comes a greater sense of well-being.
Buddhism asks us to hang onto that understanding, that recognition. Since we have some experience of this potential in our lives it argues, we can learn how to build upon it and extend it. If we can do it once...why not twice...why not many more times? We clearly can't achieve great victories every day of our lives, but then we don't need to! But we certainly can achieve small victories all the time, and the inherent sense of well-being can become a daily experience, because we renew the positive energy and the optimism, and the self-confidence, within the structure of the daily practice. That is one of the reasons of course why it is daily.
And the key point to hang onto is that it is above all a philosophy built to last, since it is constructed out of the real circumstances of our lives, as they really are, tough and challenging, rather than as we frequently wish them to be, soft and easy. Buddhism isn't a soft touch, because life isn't a soft touch.
But perhaps most importantly, the sens eof well-being that this strategy promises, is contructed and put together, piece b ypiece, from within rather than from without. It comes only from the courage and the resilience and the determination that we steadily learn how to draw out from within, to overcome the problems. So it's not in any way fragile or ephemeral. It's not going to be blown away by something that happens to us, because it's not in any way dependent on our ever-shifting, ever-changing external circumstances. '
That's plenty for today I think. hope you enjoy reading it.
See you soon.
William
I went to a very interesting discussion meeting last night in which we talked about dealing with our anger. Both Buddhism and modern psychology tell us that we all have it of course...part of our inherent humanity...but there were some really interesting experiences of people experiencing really strong and potentially destructive anger, but because of their practice, being aware of it in time to deflect it, and in fact re-channel it, to enable them to create real value.
Anywhere we're in the middle of the Problem Paradox, how do we develop better strategies for dealing with all the tough stuff that life throws at us. We pick up where we left off last time.
' Moreover Buddhism goes on, the greater and more challenging the problems we embrace in this way, the greater the potential happiness they can release, since they demand so much more of us. They force us to demonstrate so much more courage and resilience to overcome them. They make us grow you might say... And although it may well seem counter-intuitive when we first bump into this idea, if we think about it even briefly, we can see that this kind of perspective on life does indeed chime with our experience. Think back to times when you have succeeded in overcoming a really difficult problem in your life, something that you felt had the potential to really knock you off balance, or change your life for the worse, something that even inspired a certain amoun tof fear or panic. And these events are by no means rare in our lives; loss of a job for example, or break up of a long-term relationship, or cancer, or some other life-threatening illness, or the death of someone you love.
When we overcome these potentially life-diminishing challenges, we may well continue to feel a certain amount of pain, that is not uncommon, but each time the victory gives a powerful boost to our sense of confidence and capability. We feel strengthened, and the bigger the threat to our stability we've overcome, the greater the boost. For some considerable time afterwards we experience a much greater confidence in our ability to deal with things in general, not just in that particular area, but right across the spectrum of our lives and activities. And with this increased confidence comes a greater sense of well-being.
Buddhism asks us to hang onto that understanding, that recognition. Since we have some experience of this potential in our lives it argues, we can learn how to build upon it and extend it. If we can do it once...why not twice...why not many more times? We clearly can't achieve great victories every day of our lives, but then we don't need to! But we certainly can achieve small victories all the time, and the inherent sense of well-being can become a daily experience, because we renew the positive energy and the optimism, and the self-confidence, within the structure of the daily practice. That is one of the reasons of course why it is daily.
And the key point to hang onto is that it is above all a philosophy built to last, since it is constructed out of the real circumstances of our lives, as they really are, tough and challenging, rather than as we frequently wish them to be, soft and easy. Buddhism isn't a soft touch, because life isn't a soft touch.
But perhaps most importantly, the sens eof well-being that this strategy promises, is contructed and put together, piece b ypiece, from within rather than from without. It comes only from the courage and the resilience and the determination that we steadily learn how to draw out from within, to overcome the problems. So it's not in any way fragile or ephemeral. It's not going to be blown away by something that happens to us, because it's not in any way dependent on our ever-shifting, ever-changing external circumstances. '
That's plenty for today I think. hope you enjoy reading it.
See you soon.
William
Wednesday 19 March 2014
my buddhist blog number 26
Hi Everybody,
Really joyful day today. I learned a moment ago that The Case for Buddhism is now up on Kindle as an e-book, so all the books and all the language versions, Spanish and Portuguese and Italian are now available to a much wider audience, at much lower costs. I have to say when I started out to write about my experience as a Nichiren Buddhist in The Reluctant Buddhist I could never have conceived how far they have travelled. It was my wife Sarah who said to me, ' Don't worry about them. They have their own mystic journey to travel.' I didn't really understand what she was saying at the time, but how right she was. This year for example, El Budista Reacio, the Spanish version of The Reluctant Buddhist has been in high demand in...where? in of all places the SGI community in the Dominican Republic. I can scarcely express the immense sense of gratitude that news brings to me. It's just extraordinary.
Anyway, the book we're dealing with in this blog, The Case for Buddhism, is now up on Kindle.
Ok, so this episode follows on directly from 25. We're talking about how Buddhism helps us directly to deal with the tough stuff that inevitably comes into all our lives.
' Buddhism tells us that we need to to use the daily discipline of the practice, and it is a discipline, to train ourselves. We want to learn to see the problems and difficulties simply as facts of life. Nothing more nor nothing less than that. Once again that is not a particularly earth-shattering idea is it? But again it is remarkable how often we choose to ignore it. For as long as we take everyday problems and difficulties personally, Buddhism argues, as a direct challenge to our personal equanimity and happiness, then absolutely by definition, as the night follows the day, as water always flows downhill, our equanimity and happiness will continue to be challenged.
How couldit be otherwise? In a sense by adopting that response, we are locking ourselves into a conditioning process from which we can't escape. Round and round we go, like a hamster on a wheel. The problems inevitably continue to occur, we choose to see them as a disruption to our personal happiness an dpeace of mind, so inevitably, we respond to them with powerful negativity.
So over the years we carefully forge this more or less unbreakable link in our minds between the occurence of problems and the negative response, the anxiety and the stress with which we have always associated them. It become so much the way of the world that we never challenge it. It simply doesn't occur to us that there can be a totally different response.
You might almost say that Buddhism was created to persuade us that there is.
A change of perception changes everything. I think it actually worth writing that phrase down because it's so central to our argument. Buddhism teaches that that the way we look at any situation or environment is of the very greatest importance. That is to say, it is not so much the external circumstance that governs how it affects us, but how we choose to see it. It's not so much the problem that occurs that causes us to suffer, so much as how we respond to that problem. That in itself is a huge Buddhist lesson.
And it takes us directly to a paradox that lies really at the very heart of Shakyamuni's teachings. You could say that it is the essential perception we need to grasp in order to break out of that cycle of self-conditioning. So Buddhism teaches that happiness or well-being, and suffering, are not, as we so often regard them, entirely different and separate experiences, that lie at the opposite ends of the wide spectrum of human experience. That is simply the effect of our partial and incomplete view of our reality. On the contrary Buddhism tells us, they are closely and intimately inteconnected, almost like the two sides of a piece of paper.
That's pretty counter-intuitive isn't it? What can it possibly mean? We intensely dislike suffering and we run away from it whenever we can. And we run towards happiness because we love it so much. They must therefore lie in quite different directions.
Stop running for a moment Buddhism argues, and look a bit harder at your reality. If we continue to hang onto the view that our happiness in this life is directly dependent on our achieving a smooth, untroubled, sunlit existence, free from anxieties and pains and problems, then it doesn't take all that hard a look to see that it is a strategy doomed to failure, since there is no such place.
None of us knows anybody who lives such a life. Not a single person.
So all Buddhism is saying essentially is ' get real!' Just as today's positive psychologists advise us. If we genuinely seek to establish a strong and resilient sense of well-being at the core of our lives, then that can only be found Buddhism argues, in the very midst of the problems and the suffering that life throws at us, since that is the only place there is. That is the only reality.
They lie therefore, our happiness and our suffering cheek by jowl, in precisely the same direction. As one Buddhist teacher puts it so simply,
' Our suffering is us, and we need to treat it with kindness and non-violence. We need to embrace our fear, hatred, anguish and anger.'
Our suffering is us...we can all perceive immediately the deep truth of that statement. Moreover Buddhism goes on, the greater and more challenging the problems we embrace in this way, the greater then potential happiness they can release, sinc ethey demand so much mor eof us. They force us to demonstrate so much more courage and resilience to overcome them. They make us grow you might say. to become our most capable selves. And personal capability we learn in the course of our Buddhist practice, is a very important ingredient indeed in the makingn of the stuff we call well-being. We all dearly want to be...and we want to be seen to be... capable human beings. '
Enough for today I think. As I write that it takes me back to my own battle against cancer, and the fear and the pain it brought, and the deep understanding that came to me that if I really embraced it with my whole being then I could beat it. And I have!! I'm sure we can all look back on major challenges we have faced, and actually see the growth and the strength that has come from overcoming them. And the growth and the strength are the stuff of our well-being.
Thanks for reading this far. See you nest time.
William
Really joyful day today. I learned a moment ago that The Case for Buddhism is now up on Kindle as an e-book, so all the books and all the language versions, Spanish and Portuguese and Italian are now available to a much wider audience, at much lower costs. I have to say when I started out to write about my experience as a Nichiren Buddhist in The Reluctant Buddhist I could never have conceived how far they have travelled. It was my wife Sarah who said to me, ' Don't worry about them. They have their own mystic journey to travel.' I didn't really understand what she was saying at the time, but how right she was. This year for example, El Budista Reacio, the Spanish version of The Reluctant Buddhist has been in high demand in...where? in of all places the SGI community in the Dominican Republic. I can scarcely express the immense sense of gratitude that news brings to me. It's just extraordinary.
Anyway, the book we're dealing with in this blog, The Case for Buddhism, is now up on Kindle.
Ok, so this episode follows on directly from 25. We're talking about how Buddhism helps us directly to deal with the tough stuff that inevitably comes into all our lives.
' Buddhism tells us that we need to to use the daily discipline of the practice, and it is a discipline, to train ourselves. We want to learn to see the problems and difficulties simply as facts of life. Nothing more nor nothing less than that. Once again that is not a particularly earth-shattering idea is it? But again it is remarkable how often we choose to ignore it. For as long as we take everyday problems and difficulties personally, Buddhism argues, as a direct challenge to our personal equanimity and happiness, then absolutely by definition, as the night follows the day, as water always flows downhill, our equanimity and happiness will continue to be challenged.
How couldit be otherwise? In a sense by adopting that response, we are locking ourselves into a conditioning process from which we can't escape. Round and round we go, like a hamster on a wheel. The problems inevitably continue to occur, we choose to see them as a disruption to our personal happiness an dpeace of mind, so inevitably, we respond to them with powerful negativity.
So over the years we carefully forge this more or less unbreakable link in our minds between the occurence of problems and the negative response, the anxiety and the stress with which we have always associated them. It become so much the way of the world that we never challenge it. It simply doesn't occur to us that there can be a totally different response.
You might almost say that Buddhism was created to persuade us that there is.
A change of perception changes everything. I think it actually worth writing that phrase down because it's so central to our argument. Buddhism teaches that that the way we look at any situation or environment is of the very greatest importance. That is to say, it is not so much the external circumstance that governs how it affects us, but how we choose to see it. It's not so much the problem that occurs that causes us to suffer, so much as how we respond to that problem. That in itself is a huge Buddhist lesson.
And it takes us directly to a paradox that lies really at the very heart of Shakyamuni's teachings. You could say that it is the essential perception we need to grasp in order to break out of that cycle of self-conditioning. So Buddhism teaches that happiness or well-being, and suffering, are not, as we so often regard them, entirely different and separate experiences, that lie at the opposite ends of the wide spectrum of human experience. That is simply the effect of our partial and incomplete view of our reality. On the contrary Buddhism tells us, they are closely and intimately inteconnected, almost like the two sides of a piece of paper.
That's pretty counter-intuitive isn't it? What can it possibly mean? We intensely dislike suffering and we run away from it whenever we can. And we run towards happiness because we love it so much. They must therefore lie in quite different directions.
Stop running for a moment Buddhism argues, and look a bit harder at your reality. If we continue to hang onto the view that our happiness in this life is directly dependent on our achieving a smooth, untroubled, sunlit existence, free from anxieties and pains and problems, then it doesn't take all that hard a look to see that it is a strategy doomed to failure, since there is no such place.
None of us knows anybody who lives such a life. Not a single person.
So all Buddhism is saying essentially is ' get real!' Just as today's positive psychologists advise us. If we genuinely seek to establish a strong and resilient sense of well-being at the core of our lives, then that can only be found Buddhism argues, in the very midst of the problems and the suffering that life throws at us, since that is the only place there is. That is the only reality.
They lie therefore, our happiness and our suffering cheek by jowl, in precisely the same direction. As one Buddhist teacher puts it so simply,
' Our suffering is us, and we need to treat it with kindness and non-violence. We need to embrace our fear, hatred, anguish and anger.'
Our suffering is us...we can all perceive immediately the deep truth of that statement. Moreover Buddhism goes on, the greater and more challenging the problems we embrace in this way, the greater then potential happiness they can release, sinc ethey demand so much mor eof us. They force us to demonstrate so much more courage and resilience to overcome them. They make us grow you might say. to become our most capable selves. And personal capability we learn in the course of our Buddhist practice, is a very important ingredient indeed in the makingn of the stuff we call well-being. We all dearly want to be...and we want to be seen to be... capable human beings. '
Enough for today I think. As I write that it takes me back to my own battle against cancer, and the fear and the pain it brought, and the deep understanding that came to me that if I really embraced it with my whole being then I could beat it. And I have!! I'm sure we can all look back on major challenges we have faced, and actually see the growth and the strength that has come from overcoming them. And the growth and the strength are the stuff of our well-being.
Thanks for reading this far. See you nest time.
William
Monday 17 March 2014
my buddhist blog number 25
Hi Everybody,
So in the last episode we looked in some detail at the strategies we all adopt for dealing with the tough stuff in our lives, and asked the question, do they come anywhere close to being the best response that we can come up with? And how does Buddhism help us in this sort of situation? That's where we pick up the thread.
' Buddhism is good at dealing with problems, since it was actually born out of the recognistion that the nature of human life is always tough and challenging, and frequently involves considerable suffering. So that's the starting point if you like that Buddhism asks us to recognise, in setting our levels of expectation. We should expect it to be tough and challenging. So there is absolutely nothing to be gained it argues, from railing at problems as they continue to occur in our lives, which we often do of course. ...' Why is this happening to me? ...or...' What have I done to deserve this?' Or basing our hopes for happiness on some longed-for problem free future. The key Nichiren tells us, in his typically direct style, the key is realy just to get on with things.
' Though wordly troubles may arise, ' he says, ' never let them disturb you. No one can avoid problems...'
No one. Moreover Buddhism constantly reminds us that in our lives, everything begins with us. That may not sound on the face of it to be a particularly ground-breaking idea. But it is remarkable how often this apparently obvious principle is ignored or overlooked. It is our life in every sense. So if there's friction, or frustration, or difficulty coming at us from various directions, then Buddhism argues, the place to look for the root cause is...guess where...within our own life. That may be difficult for us to accept, very difficult. Indeed we may have to go through a huge internal struggle to accept it, but when you think about it even for a minute or two, that is the real meaning of taking responsibility for our lives isn't it?
What is it about our behaviour, our thoughts, our words and actions, that is giving rise to this difficulty? What subliminal signals are we giving off that trigger this response from our environment? How do we need to change in order to resolve this difficult issue? That may initially as I've said be a very hard lesson to swallow. Sometimes we can manage it, sometimes we can't, we're only human after all. But when we can, it carries with it an immeasurably huge benefit that arises in no other way; namely if we fully recognise and accept that the cause comes from within our own life, then so too does the remedy. It lies within our control.
So the problem-solving equation becomes not...'if only my partner would change we could become so much happier...' which is a very tough call because it's way outside our control; but '...what action can I take, what things about myself can I change, that will sweep this problem right out of our lives.' ... which is so much simpler, because we do have control.
Which means that we can imediately set about sweeping away the impase, and opening up the possibility of progress.
Buddhism goes on to tell us that we need to use the daily discipline of the practice to train ourselves; we want to learn to see problems and difficulties simply as facts of life. Nothing more nor nothing less than that. '
And that's where we go next episode. I like this chapter. It's really practical and everyday and down-to-earth. And really useful I hope!
See you next time.
William
So in the last episode we looked in some detail at the strategies we all adopt for dealing with the tough stuff in our lives, and asked the question, do they come anywhere close to being the best response that we can come up with? And how does Buddhism help us in this sort of situation? That's where we pick up the thread.
' Buddhism is good at dealing with problems, since it was actually born out of the recognistion that the nature of human life is always tough and challenging, and frequently involves considerable suffering. So that's the starting point if you like that Buddhism asks us to recognise, in setting our levels of expectation. We should expect it to be tough and challenging. So there is absolutely nothing to be gained it argues, from railing at problems as they continue to occur in our lives, which we often do of course. ...' Why is this happening to me? ...or...' What have I done to deserve this?' Or basing our hopes for happiness on some longed-for problem free future. The key Nichiren tells us, in his typically direct style, the key is realy just to get on with things.
' Though wordly troubles may arise, ' he says, ' never let them disturb you. No one can avoid problems...'
No one. Moreover Buddhism constantly reminds us that in our lives, everything begins with us. That may not sound on the face of it to be a particularly ground-breaking idea. But it is remarkable how often this apparently obvious principle is ignored or overlooked. It is our life in every sense. So if there's friction, or frustration, or difficulty coming at us from various directions, then Buddhism argues, the place to look for the root cause is...guess where...within our own life. That may be difficult for us to accept, very difficult. Indeed we may have to go through a huge internal struggle to accept it, but when you think about it even for a minute or two, that is the real meaning of taking responsibility for our lives isn't it?
What is it about our behaviour, our thoughts, our words and actions, that is giving rise to this difficulty? What subliminal signals are we giving off that trigger this response from our environment? How do we need to change in order to resolve this difficult issue? That may initially as I've said be a very hard lesson to swallow. Sometimes we can manage it, sometimes we can't, we're only human after all. But when we can, it carries with it an immeasurably huge benefit that arises in no other way; namely if we fully recognise and accept that the cause comes from within our own life, then so too does the remedy. It lies within our control.
So the problem-solving equation becomes not...'if only my partner would change we could become so much happier...' which is a very tough call because it's way outside our control; but '...what action can I take, what things about myself can I change, that will sweep this problem right out of our lives.' ... which is so much simpler, because we do have control.
Which means that we can imediately set about sweeping away the impase, and opening up the possibility of progress.
Buddhism goes on to tell us that we need to use the daily discipline of the practice to train ourselves; we want to learn to see problems and difficulties simply as facts of life. Nothing more nor nothing less than that. '
And that's where we go next episode. I like this chapter. It's really practical and everyday and down-to-earth. And really useful I hope!
See you next time.
William
Saturday 15 March 2014
my buddhist blog number 24
Hi Everybody,
It looks as if I got the number of the last episode wrong. Two 22's! So this one's 24. We've had enough of chapter 4 I think on what we really mean by the word happiness, so let's move on to chapter 5, which is called Buddhism and the Problem Paradox. Buddhism remember was born out of Shakyamuni's intense perception of the scale of human suffering, and his search for ways of enabling ordinary people to understand it more acutely and therefore to handle it, deal with it more effectively, to enable them to live altogether better lives. So this lies if you like at the very heart of Buddhist teachings, how can we get better at the business of handling the problems and the difficulties and the anxieties that come in a constant stream into all our lives. That in essence, is what Buddhism is about. So chapter 5, here we come.
' Man was born to troubles as the sparks fly upwards, Job tells us eternally in the Old Testament. But few of us, if any, are prepared to accept that as an accurate description of the reality of our lives. No way. We're simply not having it. No one wants pains and problems, or the anxiety and the tension and the stress that arise, as they threaten to emerge in our lives. So the natural human response is to argue that since we can't stand them, we have to get rid of them! And that in fact is pretty much what we try to do. In our modern societies we spend huge amounts of time and money and energy and ingenuity in trying to create a whole defensive network to keep the challenging and the anxiety-creating side of life at bay. And where we aren't completely successful in the barrier-building business, as we can't be of course, we have evolved a whole series of secondary strategies to fill the gaps.
So we ignore them for example, or run away from them, in the hope that they will just go away or evaporate. The reality is of course that problems ignored have a very nasty habit of becoming problems magnified, so that what was once readily solvable, if only we'd had the courage to face up to it when it first emerged, can become something so big that it can overwhelm us or knock us over.
Or we very commonly dump the problem onto someone else. That is to say we mentally shift the blame or the responsibility onto someone or some thing outside ourselves, pointing to anything so long as it's not ourselves, as the source of the current difficulty. If there are problems within a relationship for example, it's not our problem, it's clearly because the other half of the relationship has to change something about themselves in order to put things right. If there's trouble with the boss or colleagues at work, it's bound to be because they are being totally unreasonable or obstinate or unfair. Everyone can see that. So we end up in a sort of impasse. Nothing changes, and the frustration or the friction keep on recurring, to the extent that it can lead to the break up of an otherwise fine relationship, or people being stuck in a hellish state of tension or dissatisfaction at work.
We've all been there at some stage in our lives, and many times more than once.
And if those strategies still don't block up all the crevices in our defences, then we are complicit in creating a kind of fiction that we are quite happy to share with one another. So although the problems and the crises, and the anxieties and the suffering they bring, continue to swallow up a considerable portion of our energies, we attempt to explain that away to ourselves and to others as being a completely abnormal exception to the normal flows an dpatterns of our life. And we come to believe firmly in that fiction. The research shows for example that very different people, facing completely different problems, will use very similar language in explaining it away to themselves. ' This is not really how my life is, ' we say to ourselves, ' I just have to get over this difficult phase I'm going through...and then my life will straighten out and get back to normal! '
And no matter how frequently they occur, or how disturbing they may be in terms of de-railing our lives, we persuade ourselves, time and time again, that as soon as this particular setback, hiccup, crisis or disaster has passed us by, our life will revert to it normal, routine, untroubled state. Why? Because that's the state, we've convinced ourselves, we need to be happy, the one without the hassle. You could say that is the idealised, unreal, life state, that we are all addicted to.
So, we might ask, is there a better way? That's really what this chapter is about.
And let's be clear, several of those strategies we've just been talking about have their rightful place in our armoury. We haven't evolved them for nothing. No one for example would question the prudence of arranging whatever insulation we can since we live in troubled times. And although the fiction strategy may not keep any actual problems at bay, it probably helps to lessen the anxiety these problems create. But can that possibly be enough?
The key point to bear in mind is that this is not some remote or theoretical issue is it? It is close up and very personal. We're talking here about real life-time strategies that involve all of us, throughout all our lives. This is how we actually handle the the daily detail of our lives. And we could certainly argue I think, that learning how to deal with problems effectively, has got to be on eof the most important steps along the road to well-being. What could be more important?
So we share a deep and common interest, I suggest, in posing this question as to whether or not these strategies are adequate? Are they anywhere close to best response that we can come up with? '
Good question. particualrly if it's allied to another key question, which is, how does Buddhism help us in this situation? Those are the basic questions we tackle in the nest episode.
Thank you immensely for reading so far. my hope is of course that each blog stands to some extent on it's own, in encapsulating some interesting point or observation, but that they really tell a continuing story. Each one leads logically on to the next one, because many issues are simply too extensive to be dealt with in a single episode. They might require 2, 3 or 4 episodes to tease out the argument. That's certainly the case with this issue.
Anyway. Enough for now.
Seen you next time.
William
The Case for Buddhism is available on Amazon
energies, we make it quite clear to ourselves and everyone else that they are a completely abnormal
It looks as if I got the number of the last episode wrong. Two 22's! So this one's 24. We've had enough of chapter 4 I think on what we really mean by the word happiness, so let's move on to chapter 5, which is called Buddhism and the Problem Paradox. Buddhism remember was born out of Shakyamuni's intense perception of the scale of human suffering, and his search for ways of enabling ordinary people to understand it more acutely and therefore to handle it, deal with it more effectively, to enable them to live altogether better lives. So this lies if you like at the very heart of Buddhist teachings, how can we get better at the business of handling the problems and the difficulties and the anxieties that come in a constant stream into all our lives. That in essence, is what Buddhism is about. So chapter 5, here we come.
' Man was born to troubles as the sparks fly upwards, Job tells us eternally in the Old Testament. But few of us, if any, are prepared to accept that as an accurate description of the reality of our lives. No way. We're simply not having it. No one wants pains and problems, or the anxiety and the tension and the stress that arise, as they threaten to emerge in our lives. So the natural human response is to argue that since we can't stand them, we have to get rid of them! And that in fact is pretty much what we try to do. In our modern societies we spend huge amounts of time and money and energy and ingenuity in trying to create a whole defensive network to keep the challenging and the anxiety-creating side of life at bay. And where we aren't completely successful in the barrier-building business, as we can't be of course, we have evolved a whole series of secondary strategies to fill the gaps.
So we ignore them for example, or run away from them, in the hope that they will just go away or evaporate. The reality is of course that problems ignored have a very nasty habit of becoming problems magnified, so that what was once readily solvable, if only we'd had the courage to face up to it when it first emerged, can become something so big that it can overwhelm us or knock us over.
Or we very commonly dump the problem onto someone else. That is to say we mentally shift the blame or the responsibility onto someone or some thing outside ourselves, pointing to anything so long as it's not ourselves, as the source of the current difficulty. If there are problems within a relationship for example, it's not our problem, it's clearly because the other half of the relationship has to change something about themselves in order to put things right. If there's trouble with the boss or colleagues at work, it's bound to be because they are being totally unreasonable or obstinate or unfair. Everyone can see that. So we end up in a sort of impasse. Nothing changes, and the frustration or the friction keep on recurring, to the extent that it can lead to the break up of an otherwise fine relationship, or people being stuck in a hellish state of tension or dissatisfaction at work.
We've all been there at some stage in our lives, and many times more than once.
And if those strategies still don't block up all the crevices in our defences, then we are complicit in creating a kind of fiction that we are quite happy to share with one another. So although the problems and the crises, and the anxieties and the suffering they bring, continue to swallow up a considerable portion of our energies, we attempt to explain that away to ourselves and to others as being a completely abnormal exception to the normal flows an dpatterns of our life. And we come to believe firmly in that fiction. The research shows for example that very different people, facing completely different problems, will use very similar language in explaining it away to themselves. ' This is not really how my life is, ' we say to ourselves, ' I just have to get over this difficult phase I'm going through...and then my life will straighten out and get back to normal! '
And no matter how frequently they occur, or how disturbing they may be in terms of de-railing our lives, we persuade ourselves, time and time again, that as soon as this particular setback, hiccup, crisis or disaster has passed us by, our life will revert to it normal, routine, untroubled state. Why? Because that's the state, we've convinced ourselves, we need to be happy, the one without the hassle. You could say that is the idealised, unreal, life state, that we are all addicted to.
So, we might ask, is there a better way? That's really what this chapter is about.
And let's be clear, several of those strategies we've just been talking about have their rightful place in our armoury. We haven't evolved them for nothing. No one for example would question the prudence of arranging whatever insulation we can since we live in troubled times. And although the fiction strategy may not keep any actual problems at bay, it probably helps to lessen the anxiety these problems create. But can that possibly be enough?
The key point to bear in mind is that this is not some remote or theoretical issue is it? It is close up and very personal. We're talking here about real life-time strategies that involve all of us, throughout all our lives. This is how we actually handle the the daily detail of our lives. And we could certainly argue I think, that learning how to deal with problems effectively, has got to be on eof the most important steps along the road to well-being. What could be more important?
So we share a deep and common interest, I suggest, in posing this question as to whether or not these strategies are adequate? Are they anywhere close to best response that we can come up with? '
Good question. particualrly if it's allied to another key question, which is, how does Buddhism help us in this situation? Those are the basic questions we tackle in the nest episode.
Thank you immensely for reading so far. my hope is of course that each blog stands to some extent on it's own, in encapsulating some interesting point or observation, but that they really tell a continuing story. Each one leads logically on to the next one, because many issues are simply too extensive to be dealt with in a single episode. They might require 2, 3 or 4 episodes to tease out the argument. That's certainly the case with this issue.
Anyway. Enough for now.
Seen you next time.
William
The Case for Buddhism is available on Amazon
energies, we make it quite clear to ourselves and everyone else that they are a completely abnormal
Wednesday 12 March 2014
my buddhist blog number 22
Hi Everybody,
Brilliantly beautiful spring day today. Just a complete joy to be out in the park early this morning with Gatsby...and huge gratitude for the pleasure of being alive. Mind you I had done an hours daimoku before I left the house...that might have had something to do with it!
This episode really only makes sense if it's read in conjunction with Blog 21. We're right at the end of the chapter on happiness and in 21 we raised the issue that is so relevant in today's ultra materialist, consumerist, acquisitive culture...the belief that we can buy it!! So we talked about the materialist dead end, and induced dissatisfaction and the widespread modern syndrome of reference anxiety. All good sociological stuff. Today we ask the question...what does Buddhism have to say about it?
What does Buddhism have to say to help us re-balance ourselves in the face of this constant materialist onslaught that affects all of us, and can deeply undermine our sense of welf worth? Nichiren Buddhism makes it clear right from the start tha tit's not about rejecting material possessions. It's not about self-denial, or giving things up, since that of itself, doesn't achieve anything. Nichiren Buddhism fully embraces both the material and the spiritual dimensions of our life, since both are clearly important to us. The absolute key it argues to establishing a durable sense of well-being is awareness. Self-awareness. Recognising the situation for what it really is, seeing the threat to our stability, and understanding that we need to establish a meaningful balance.
So for example, in taking up the practice people are positively encouraged to chant for, and of course to take action for, whatever it is they believe they need to achieve full and fulfillingn lives. And that might certainly include material things from a better income and financial security for example, to a better home, and everything in between. Why? Because they are an integral and important part of all our lives and can't simply be left out. But undoubtedly as we continue with the practice it radically changes our perspective. It puts the constant wanting of things into a broader, deeper, whole-life context.
While acquiring new things can undoubtedly be an extremely pleasurable experience...and why shouldn't it be indeed...it cannot be the basis for the solid, lasting, resilient sense of well-being that we all seek. The pleasure in new possessions soon wears off, very soon in fact, and the nonly way to re-ignite that sort of pleasure is to get out ther eagain in a fresh bout of retail therapy. We've all been at least some way down that road. Look at the level of global credit card debt that was exposed in the crash of 2008. All we need we repeatedly persuade ourselves, is that something else in the showroom window or the shopping mall...andwe'll be really truly happy. promise. And then somethingelse catches our attention...and on and on.
Since it lies at the root of a great deal of self-inflicted pain and suffering...and that's a key point to note, it is self-inflicted, it is our choice...Nichiren Buddhism considers it important enough to flag it up for us, by giving this itch-to-acquire-more -stuff a name. it's called the life state of Hunger.( see appendix A ) Basically this is a state of more or less constant, restless dissatisfaction with our lives, because we convince ourselves that our happiness lies in having something, or experiencing something, that is just out of our reach. and in this life state there's always something that is just out of our reach. This restless dissatisfaction is not limited of course to material things, it reaches out into all the fields of human activity you can think of. from the desire for particular relationships or partners, to the desire for just a bit more wealth than we happen to have, or status or fame, and on to regaining youth or beauty through plastic surgery. There's always something to want. And it's by no means uncommon for people in this life state to fix their gaze on one thing after another in their environment, in the sure and certain knowledge...each time...that this will satisfy their deep hunger, and bring them the happiness that has so far eluded them.
The extraordinary thing...and I use that phrase advisedly because it is I think genuinely surprising...that modern psychology recognises something very similar indeed to the Buddhist life state we've just been talkingn about. The term it uses to describe it is ' hedonic adaptation.' Hedonic comes from the greek root that means pleasure. Adaptation speaks for itself. So put simply this somewhat esoteric phrase means that we adopt with astonishing speed to new stuff, to any new material goods that we acquire. They simply become the new norm. As one psychologist puts it;
' The things that we get used to most easily and most take for granted are our material possessions- our car, our house. Advertisers understand this and invire us to ' feed our addiction' with more and more spending. '
But the key point is that the acquisition changes nothing in terms of how we feel in the depths of our lives. Nothing changes in terms of our fundamental sense of well-being. So whatever external, material thing we desire in the belief that it will bring us greater happiness, however much we are convinced that we need it, however profoundly life-changing it might seem when we desire it, and indeed when we initially acquire it, they turn out to be not so life-changing at all. Indeed not at all.
There's no question that can be a very difficult lesson for us to take on board. We are so powerfully attached to the idea that these kinds of acquisitions will make us so much happier. But the Buddhist wisdom, and now the body of research to the contrary, should give us pause.
So hedonic adaptation would seem to be the modern psychological explanation for a factor in our lives that Buddhism has been talking about for so long, namely that the external circumstances of our lives, or changes in those circumsatnces, even if on the surface they are quite substantial, have a remarkably small impact on our enduring, long-term sense of well-being. It is indeed a delusion to believe that deep-seated happiness can be acquired in this way, externally as it were, as a result of some possession. Any possession.'
Enough I think for today. That debate about whether or not we can buy happiness into our lives has of course been going on for centuries, and it's still as tough as ever to take on board isn't it? Because we all want so much stuff that we see around us all the time. But if we can really grasp the truth of it; the sheer destructiveness of the life state of Hunger, and the powerful reality of hedonic adaptation...then it's totally life-changing and immensely liberating. Suddenly we're released from everlasting wanting.
See you on Saturday.
William
Brilliantly beautiful spring day today. Just a complete joy to be out in the park early this morning with Gatsby...and huge gratitude for the pleasure of being alive. Mind you I had done an hours daimoku before I left the house...that might have had something to do with it!
This episode really only makes sense if it's read in conjunction with Blog 21. We're right at the end of the chapter on happiness and in 21 we raised the issue that is so relevant in today's ultra materialist, consumerist, acquisitive culture...the belief that we can buy it!! So we talked about the materialist dead end, and induced dissatisfaction and the widespread modern syndrome of reference anxiety. All good sociological stuff. Today we ask the question...what does Buddhism have to say about it?
What does Buddhism have to say to help us re-balance ourselves in the face of this constant materialist onslaught that affects all of us, and can deeply undermine our sense of welf worth? Nichiren Buddhism makes it clear right from the start tha tit's not about rejecting material possessions. It's not about self-denial, or giving things up, since that of itself, doesn't achieve anything. Nichiren Buddhism fully embraces both the material and the spiritual dimensions of our life, since both are clearly important to us. The absolute key it argues to establishing a durable sense of well-being is awareness. Self-awareness. Recognising the situation for what it really is, seeing the threat to our stability, and understanding that we need to establish a meaningful balance.
So for example, in taking up the practice people are positively encouraged to chant for, and of course to take action for, whatever it is they believe they need to achieve full and fulfillingn lives. And that might certainly include material things from a better income and financial security for example, to a better home, and everything in between. Why? Because they are an integral and important part of all our lives and can't simply be left out. But undoubtedly as we continue with the practice it radically changes our perspective. It puts the constant wanting of things into a broader, deeper, whole-life context.
While acquiring new things can undoubtedly be an extremely pleasurable experience...and why shouldn't it be indeed...it cannot be the basis for the solid, lasting, resilient sense of well-being that we all seek. The pleasure in new possessions soon wears off, very soon in fact, and the nonly way to re-ignite that sort of pleasure is to get out ther eagain in a fresh bout of retail therapy. We've all been at least some way down that road. Look at the level of global credit card debt that was exposed in the crash of 2008. All we need we repeatedly persuade ourselves, is that something else in the showroom window or the shopping mall...andwe'll be really truly happy. promise. And then somethingelse catches our attention...and on and on.
Since it lies at the root of a great deal of self-inflicted pain and suffering...and that's a key point to note, it is self-inflicted, it is our choice...Nichiren Buddhism considers it important enough to flag it up for us, by giving this itch-to-acquire-more -stuff a name. it's called the life state of Hunger.( see appendix A ) Basically this is a state of more or less constant, restless dissatisfaction with our lives, because we convince ourselves that our happiness lies in having something, or experiencing something, that is just out of our reach. and in this life state there's always something that is just out of our reach. This restless dissatisfaction is not limited of course to material things, it reaches out into all the fields of human activity you can think of. from the desire for particular relationships or partners, to the desire for just a bit more wealth than we happen to have, or status or fame, and on to regaining youth or beauty through plastic surgery. There's always something to want. And it's by no means uncommon for people in this life state to fix their gaze on one thing after another in their environment, in the sure and certain knowledge...each time...that this will satisfy their deep hunger, and bring them the happiness that has so far eluded them.
The extraordinary thing...and I use that phrase advisedly because it is I think genuinely surprising...that modern psychology recognises something very similar indeed to the Buddhist life state we've just been talkingn about. The term it uses to describe it is ' hedonic adaptation.' Hedonic comes from the greek root that means pleasure. Adaptation speaks for itself. So put simply this somewhat esoteric phrase means that we adopt with astonishing speed to new stuff, to any new material goods that we acquire. They simply become the new norm. As one psychologist puts it;
' The things that we get used to most easily and most take for granted are our material possessions- our car, our house. Advertisers understand this and invire us to ' feed our addiction' with more and more spending. '
But the key point is that the acquisition changes nothing in terms of how we feel in the depths of our lives. Nothing changes in terms of our fundamental sense of well-being. So whatever external, material thing we desire in the belief that it will bring us greater happiness, however much we are convinced that we need it, however profoundly life-changing it might seem when we desire it, and indeed when we initially acquire it, they turn out to be not so life-changing at all. Indeed not at all.
There's no question that can be a very difficult lesson for us to take on board. We are so powerfully attached to the idea that these kinds of acquisitions will make us so much happier. But the Buddhist wisdom, and now the body of research to the contrary, should give us pause.
So hedonic adaptation would seem to be the modern psychological explanation for a factor in our lives that Buddhism has been talking about for so long, namely that the external circumstances of our lives, or changes in those circumsatnces, even if on the surface they are quite substantial, have a remarkably small impact on our enduring, long-term sense of well-being. It is indeed a delusion to believe that deep-seated happiness can be acquired in this way, externally as it were, as a result of some possession. Any possession.'
Enough I think for today. That debate about whether or not we can buy happiness into our lives has of course been going on for centuries, and it's still as tough as ever to take on board isn't it? Because we all want so much stuff that we see around us all the time. But if we can really grasp the truth of it; the sheer destructiveness of the life state of Hunger, and the powerful reality of hedonic adaptation...then it's totally life-changing and immensely liberating. Suddenly we're released from everlasting wanting.
See you on Saturday.
William
Saturday 8 March 2014
my buddhist blog number 22
Hi Everybody,
There's one important issue that we haven't yet touched upon in this discussion about happiness or well-being...and it's to do with money!! I really deal with this involved and controversial issue which stirs up so much emotional response, in Chapter 11, but we can't leave this happiness discussion without at least touching upon the immense importance most of us attach to the role of money in any picture of happiness we paint for ourselves. It's bound to crop up before long in any modern discussion of what constitutes well-being. You simply can't escape it. And if Buddhism is daily life, what does Buddhism have to say about it, to help us deal with it? And what kind of additional insights can the social scientists provide us with?
Edward Diener for example, from the University of Illionois, psychologist and eminent researcher in this field is one among many who has written about the materialist dead end, or what he calls the downside of today's vastly greater affluence. And there has been a huge amount of research that identifies two key ways in which this has a profound effect in diminishing our sense of well-being, both of which I suggest could sit comfortably in the middle of a Buddhist commentary about the suffering that can come from just wanting things.
On eis that there is just so much to be hungered after in our modern society, so much more on display in glossy showrooms and shopping malls and supermarkets and so on, that it has become a powerful external cause of inner discontent. It's a bit like all those sweets and chocolates on display at the checkout queue that can cause children to kick up so much fuss. The want them because they can see them, and can't understand why they can't have them. In very much the same way people can experience a real sense of loss and deprivation and frustration because they can't possess, can't carry away more of the stuff that is on display. In no way is it difficult to empathise with that situation. It rings absolutely true. Most of us have been there to some degree.
The second is related to the vast wave of media of all sorts that washes over all our lives these days. So we are all constantly being called upon to measure ourselves, who we are and what we have, against an endless procession of supposed role models on film and television and in countless lifestyle magazines, who are presented as being highly successful, and vastly better off, and therefore by implication...happier!
The equation seems to go wholly unquestioned, success equals wealth equals happiness. although of course we all know intellectually that is sheer nonsens, there is no such simple connection, or indeed any connection at all. But emotionally, it gets to us.
And that of course is precisely the way the modern advertising and marketing machine goes to work, playing with immense skill on our natural human tendency to compare ourselves with others, and therefore focus on what we haven't got, as opposed to all that we have.
That is to say it is another immensely powerful external cause of inner discontent.
Once again, it's clear that Nichiren Daishonin was acutely aware of exactly the same human weakness, in one of his letters written all those years ago, when he highlights the futility, and of course the intense suffering, that can come from that kind of constant itch to compare;
' For example ' he writes, 'a poor man cannot earn a penny, just by counting his neighbour's wealth, even if he does so night and day.'
But that having been said, we can't just blank it all out can we? The range of material possessions has never been greater, and with the constant global reach of film and television and the internet, the circle of comparison into which we are drawn is virtually unlimited. The consequent potential for what we might call induced dissatisfaction with our own lot is even greater. And it's important to note that it isn't simply a matter of envy. Not at all.
The psychologists tell us that it is both deeper and more insidious than that. If we can't achieve these sorts of symbols of success we tell ourselves, then what's wrong with us?We persuade ourselves that we are in some measure a failure, and since in this equation, success is what brings happiness, then clearly we just don't have what it takes to be truly happy.
Positive psychology has even coined a phrase to describe this downward spiral into which it is all too easy for us to be drawn. It's called ' reference anxiety,' the emotional burden if you like, of constantly trying to keep up with the material wealth we perceive so many other people as having...but not ourselves. We have allowed who we are if you like, to somehow become synnymous with what we have!'
Enough for today I think. That sets the scene. Next time we ask the question what does Buddhism have to say to help us rebalance ourselves in the face of this constant materialist onslaught, and the really important effect in our daily lives of something the psychologists call hedonic adaptation.
See you then.
Best wishes,
William
The Case For Buddhism is available on Amazon
There's one important issue that we haven't yet touched upon in this discussion about happiness or well-being...and it's to do with money!! I really deal with this involved and controversial issue which stirs up so much emotional response, in Chapter 11, but we can't leave this happiness discussion without at least touching upon the immense importance most of us attach to the role of money in any picture of happiness we paint for ourselves. It's bound to crop up before long in any modern discussion of what constitutes well-being. You simply can't escape it. And if Buddhism is daily life, what does Buddhism have to say about it, to help us deal with it? And what kind of additional insights can the social scientists provide us with?
Edward Diener for example, from the University of Illionois, psychologist and eminent researcher in this field is one among many who has written about the materialist dead end, or what he calls the downside of today's vastly greater affluence. And there has been a huge amount of research that identifies two key ways in which this has a profound effect in diminishing our sense of well-being, both of which I suggest could sit comfortably in the middle of a Buddhist commentary about the suffering that can come from just wanting things.
On eis that there is just so much to be hungered after in our modern society, so much more on display in glossy showrooms and shopping malls and supermarkets and so on, that it has become a powerful external cause of inner discontent. It's a bit like all those sweets and chocolates on display at the checkout queue that can cause children to kick up so much fuss. The want them because they can see them, and can't understand why they can't have them. In very much the same way people can experience a real sense of loss and deprivation and frustration because they can't possess, can't carry away more of the stuff that is on display. In no way is it difficult to empathise with that situation. It rings absolutely true. Most of us have been there to some degree.
The second is related to the vast wave of media of all sorts that washes over all our lives these days. So we are all constantly being called upon to measure ourselves, who we are and what we have, against an endless procession of supposed role models on film and television and in countless lifestyle magazines, who are presented as being highly successful, and vastly better off, and therefore by implication...happier!
The equation seems to go wholly unquestioned, success equals wealth equals happiness. although of course we all know intellectually that is sheer nonsens, there is no such simple connection, or indeed any connection at all. But emotionally, it gets to us.
And that of course is precisely the way the modern advertising and marketing machine goes to work, playing with immense skill on our natural human tendency to compare ourselves with others, and therefore focus on what we haven't got, as opposed to all that we have.
That is to say it is another immensely powerful external cause of inner discontent.
Once again, it's clear that Nichiren Daishonin was acutely aware of exactly the same human weakness, in one of his letters written all those years ago, when he highlights the futility, and of course the intense suffering, that can come from that kind of constant itch to compare;
' For example ' he writes, 'a poor man cannot earn a penny, just by counting his neighbour's wealth, even if he does so night and day.'
But that having been said, we can't just blank it all out can we? The range of material possessions has never been greater, and with the constant global reach of film and television and the internet, the circle of comparison into which we are drawn is virtually unlimited. The consequent potential for what we might call induced dissatisfaction with our own lot is even greater. And it's important to note that it isn't simply a matter of envy. Not at all.
The psychologists tell us that it is both deeper and more insidious than that. If we can't achieve these sorts of symbols of success we tell ourselves, then what's wrong with us?We persuade ourselves that we are in some measure a failure, and since in this equation, success is what brings happiness, then clearly we just don't have what it takes to be truly happy.
Positive psychology has even coined a phrase to describe this downward spiral into which it is all too easy for us to be drawn. It's called ' reference anxiety,' the emotional burden if you like, of constantly trying to keep up with the material wealth we perceive so many other people as having...but not ourselves. We have allowed who we are if you like, to somehow become synnymous with what we have!'
Enough for today I think. That sets the scene. Next time we ask the question what does Buddhism have to say to help us rebalance ourselves in the face of this constant materialist onslaught, and the really important effect in our daily lives of something the psychologists call hedonic adaptation.
See you then.
Best wishes,
William
The Case For Buddhism is available on Amazon
Thursday 6 March 2014
my buddhist blog number 21
Hi Everybody,
I came back from the most stimulating and exciting visit to India yesterday, so, I have to say, I am a trifle jet lagged. But no matter. One of the things we did there was to visit the extraordinary and beautiful Buddhist caves at Ajanta. They aren't really caves, althjough they are always described in that way. They are in fact a remarkable series of small monasteries or dormitaries for visiting monks, and temples or places for them to chant or meditate, carved deeply into the rock face of a remote steep-sided gorge, with a river running through it. And all these dwellings and meditation places have the most beautiful carvings of Buddhas and bodhisattvas and vines and trees carved into their entrances and walls. And uniquely in the case of Ajanta, there are paintings of scenes from the Buddha's life on the walls and ceilings. It is remarkable that these wall paintings have survived over so many hundreds of years, with the reds and the blues and the greens still fresh and bright. Some of the caves date from the 2nd century BC, so very much of the Hinayana period, but most of them date from the 4th century AD so very much in the Mahayana period. And you can sit in stillness and the coolness of these caves and just immerse yourself in the moment, or you can, as we did, sit in monks cell and chant quietly and you actually feel the resonance of your voice as it's played back to you from the rock. it is an extraordinarily moving experience to be there and know that Buddhists lived and practised there 1400 years ago. Once experienced never forgotten.
So where were we? We were in the middle of Chapter 4 I think, Buddhism and Happiness, and we'd just touched on that lovely story of Ma Post, advising her young son to climb out of his bad mood by going out and helping someone. And Martin Seligman tells us that all his objective research shows that showing compassion and altruism towards others produces the single most reliable increase in our sense of well-being. That's just extraordinary isn't it? Evolutionary biologists looking at how mankind has evolved have the devil's own job of trying to acount for the evolutionary purpose of altruism, and here we have a learned psychologist telling us that even the smallest acts of kindness and compassion towards others, have the most powerful effect on our own well-being. But this simple story illustrates two other fundamental qualities that are deeply woven into the Buddhist understanding of well-being, both of which seem to be borne out equally by what the scientists tell us they have learned from their research.
Not in someone else's gift
One is that well-being doesn't exist just in our own heads, although we commonly believe that to be the case. We evolved very much as members of a group, a family or a tribe. That basically is why we have been so successful as a species, and we are in our deepest nature, very much gregarious animals. We need strong relationships. Our inner sense of well-being is generated essentially through the nature of the relationships we establish with the world around us, from the basic pleasure we take in our environment through to the experience of lasting and fulfilling and harmonious relationships at all levels in our lives. When we experience them, they strengthen and reinforce our creative energies so that we feel truly liberated, and we find that we can achieve so much more in our outward lives. When those relationships break down for whatever reason, the effects can be devastating in all areas of our life, not simply those associated with that relationship. We are not only less happy, we operate as individuals under stress, out of harmony with ourselves and our environment, and our performance is greatly diminished.
The second understanding , no less profound, is that our own well-being is not in someone else's gift. We have to make it for ourselves. As Daisaku Ikeda has expressed it for example;
'Happiness is not something that someone else, like a lover, can give to us. We have to achieve it for ourselves.'
That is undeniably a hard lesson for us to learn because our wants are so many, and because we so commonly believe that our personal happiness is indeed dependant upon our partner for example, or our child, or our friends, or our job. Or on earning a million pounds. Whereas Buddhism tells us that we have to go out and make our happiness for ourselves out of our own determination and action. Just as the young Stephen Post was asked by his perceptive mother to take some action, to go out and find someone to help in order to drive away his bad mood. And that phrase, ' take some action, 'is well worth taking to heart because it carries a profound truth of its own. As one utterly practical Buddhist teacher put it to me once, if we think in terms of pursuing happiness then we are very much on the wrong track, because none of us knows how to achieve that. Where do we start? In which direction do we run? We comme much closer to it, he argued, if we think of well-being as a sort of by-product, a quality that comes into our lives when we take action to create value in some way, particularly in ways that have beneficial effects in other people's lives. It is utterly fascinating to find that view echoed directly, even to the choice of words, by a modern psychologist, when she writes in a recent book, The How of Happiness.
'...even the familiar phrase ' pursuit of happpiness ' implies that happiness is an object that one has to chase or discover..I prefer to think of ' creation ' or ' contruction ' of happiness because research shows that it's in our power to fashion it for ourselves.'
That's a big lesson for us to learn I think. And quite a difficult one.
So we are getting a closer fix on what we mean when we use the happiness word aren't we? It's certainly not just forcing ourselves to be cheerful, regardless of what's going on. We don't get much joy if we try to chase it. And it doesn't just happen to us as a result of good luck or good fortune.The kind of durable, deep-seated, and above all, resilient well-being that we are talking about can't simply be dependant upon the play of external events. This happens and we like it...and are happy. That happens and we don't like it...and we're unhappy. A bit like a cork in a swell. Now up now down, dependant upon what comes our way.
It can only come we now understand, from one place. It has to come from within. We have to make it from the values that we hold, and the choices that we make, and the kinds of actions and responses, that we fold into our lives.
That's it for today. Quite an important passage I think, because we all want greater well-being, and we don't often have the space and the time, and the inclination perhaps, to think our way through what we actually mean by it.
Hpe that helps. I'll be back on Saturday.
All my best wishes,
William
I came back from the most stimulating and exciting visit to India yesterday, so, I have to say, I am a trifle jet lagged. But no matter. One of the things we did there was to visit the extraordinary and beautiful Buddhist caves at Ajanta. They aren't really caves, althjough they are always described in that way. They are in fact a remarkable series of small monasteries or dormitaries for visiting monks, and temples or places for them to chant or meditate, carved deeply into the rock face of a remote steep-sided gorge, with a river running through it. And all these dwellings and meditation places have the most beautiful carvings of Buddhas and bodhisattvas and vines and trees carved into their entrances and walls. And uniquely in the case of Ajanta, there are paintings of scenes from the Buddha's life on the walls and ceilings. It is remarkable that these wall paintings have survived over so many hundreds of years, with the reds and the blues and the greens still fresh and bright. Some of the caves date from the 2nd century BC, so very much of the Hinayana period, but most of them date from the 4th century AD so very much in the Mahayana period. And you can sit in stillness and the coolness of these caves and just immerse yourself in the moment, or you can, as we did, sit in monks cell and chant quietly and you actually feel the resonance of your voice as it's played back to you from the rock. it is an extraordinarily moving experience to be there and know that Buddhists lived and practised there 1400 years ago. Once experienced never forgotten.
So where were we? We were in the middle of Chapter 4 I think, Buddhism and Happiness, and we'd just touched on that lovely story of Ma Post, advising her young son to climb out of his bad mood by going out and helping someone. And Martin Seligman tells us that all his objective research shows that showing compassion and altruism towards others produces the single most reliable increase in our sense of well-being. That's just extraordinary isn't it? Evolutionary biologists looking at how mankind has evolved have the devil's own job of trying to acount for the evolutionary purpose of altruism, and here we have a learned psychologist telling us that even the smallest acts of kindness and compassion towards others, have the most powerful effect on our own well-being. But this simple story illustrates two other fundamental qualities that are deeply woven into the Buddhist understanding of well-being, both of which seem to be borne out equally by what the scientists tell us they have learned from their research.
Not in someone else's gift
One is that well-being doesn't exist just in our own heads, although we commonly believe that to be the case. We evolved very much as members of a group, a family or a tribe. That basically is why we have been so successful as a species, and we are in our deepest nature, very much gregarious animals. We need strong relationships. Our inner sense of well-being is generated essentially through the nature of the relationships we establish with the world around us, from the basic pleasure we take in our environment through to the experience of lasting and fulfilling and harmonious relationships at all levels in our lives. When we experience them, they strengthen and reinforce our creative energies so that we feel truly liberated, and we find that we can achieve so much more in our outward lives. When those relationships break down for whatever reason, the effects can be devastating in all areas of our life, not simply those associated with that relationship. We are not only less happy, we operate as individuals under stress, out of harmony with ourselves and our environment, and our performance is greatly diminished.
The second understanding , no less profound, is that our own well-being is not in someone else's gift. We have to make it for ourselves. As Daisaku Ikeda has expressed it for example;
'Happiness is not something that someone else, like a lover, can give to us. We have to achieve it for ourselves.'
That is undeniably a hard lesson for us to learn because our wants are so many, and because we so commonly believe that our personal happiness is indeed dependant upon our partner for example, or our child, or our friends, or our job. Or on earning a million pounds. Whereas Buddhism tells us that we have to go out and make our happiness for ourselves out of our own determination and action. Just as the young Stephen Post was asked by his perceptive mother to take some action, to go out and find someone to help in order to drive away his bad mood. And that phrase, ' take some action, 'is well worth taking to heart because it carries a profound truth of its own. As one utterly practical Buddhist teacher put it to me once, if we think in terms of pursuing happiness then we are very much on the wrong track, because none of us knows how to achieve that. Where do we start? In which direction do we run? We comme much closer to it, he argued, if we think of well-being as a sort of by-product, a quality that comes into our lives when we take action to create value in some way, particularly in ways that have beneficial effects in other people's lives. It is utterly fascinating to find that view echoed directly, even to the choice of words, by a modern psychologist, when she writes in a recent book, The How of Happiness.
'...even the familiar phrase ' pursuit of happpiness ' implies that happiness is an object that one has to chase or discover..I prefer to think of ' creation ' or ' contruction ' of happiness because research shows that it's in our power to fashion it for ourselves.'
That's a big lesson for us to learn I think. And quite a difficult one.
So we are getting a closer fix on what we mean when we use the happiness word aren't we? It's certainly not just forcing ourselves to be cheerful, regardless of what's going on. We don't get much joy if we try to chase it. And it doesn't just happen to us as a result of good luck or good fortune.The kind of durable, deep-seated, and above all, resilient well-being that we are talking about can't simply be dependant upon the play of external events. This happens and we like it...and are happy. That happens and we don't like it...and we're unhappy. A bit like a cork in a swell. Now up now down, dependant upon what comes our way.
It can only come we now understand, from one place. It has to come from within. We have to make it from the values that we hold, and the choices that we make, and the kinds of actions and responses, that we fold into our lives.
That's it for today. Quite an important passage I think, because we all want greater well-being, and we don't often have the space and the time, and the inclination perhaps, to think our way through what we actually mean by it.
Hpe that helps. I'll be back on Saturday.
All my best wishes,
William
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