Hi Everybody,
Well we're into Chapter 10, Buddhism and Anger. Quite a tough chapter because it involves getting to grips with a aspect of ourselves that is unattractive at best, and at worst very destructive. Anyway,here goes.
' Buddhism has always had a very clear-eyed view of anger. Although it is only too well aware of the powerfully destructive potential of this emotion, that can wreak all kinds of havoc in human affairs, it doesn't simply lament its presence and condemn its damaging effects. Rather it accepts it precisely for what it is, an integral part of what it is to be human, a deeply embedded part of the human psychethat will always be with usWe simply have to learn how to live with it and how to limit the damage that it can cause in our lives. As one Buddhist mentor put it to me very early on in my practice, ' anger is very much like cow pats...best handled when cold!'
Homespun wisdom perhaps, but nevertheless, very wise, and what is perhaps more surprising, its truth is amply borne out by modern social research. So Buddhism tells us, we need to recognise that it will be there in our lives, and it's only being prudent to learn more about what kind of emotion it is, where it comes from, and how best to set about handling it. And modern psychology takes very much the same long view of anger, namely that it is very much part of our common humanity. As Martin Seligman writes,
Your anger has a long history, one that goes back before your childhood and before your parents' childhoods. It goes back to the life-and-death struggles of your early human ancestors, and further still to our primate ancestors, and their forebears...the human capacity for anger is one of the principal reasons why we...and not some other primate line...are the dominant species on earth.'
So there it is, buried deep in our primitive evolutionary roots, with a positive role to play, and now we have to learn how to handle its destructive potential in our ever more crowded, fast-moving, shoulder-to-shoulder modern societies. But Seligman's insight helps us to embrace our anger if I may put it that way, because we do need to embrace it as an integral part of our lives, if we are going to understand it more completely, and avoid, or overcome the damage it can cause. It also helps I think, to understand what psychologists tell us is one of the most frequent triggers for outbursts of anger; the feeling, rightly or wrongly, that ' I am being trespassed against!' Trespass that is in all sorts of ways, being treated unjustly or rudely or being insulted, or very often just a feeling that one's space, or self-esteem, is being threatened.
With anger as we know, things can get out of hand so quickly that we may not have any conscious realisation of that thought, but, we are told, the thought of trespass is surely lurking there somewhere, and the anger is a sort of counter-attack, to bring the trespass to an end. And simply understanding that point, that this might well be a perceived rather than a real to our self-esteem, can really help us to control our response.'
That's it for starters. It's an interesting subject, and Buddhism has a lot of interesting things to say about it that chime closely with modern psychology. See you next time.
William
PS, hope you have an enjoyable Christmas. If you are stuck for present ideas...you could just possibly change someone's life for the better with a gift of The Reluctant Buddhist, or Buddhism and the Science of Happiness, or indeed ths one, The Case for Buddhism! Have a great time.
Friday 19 December 2014
Thursday 11 December 2014
my buddhist blog number 75
Hi Everybody,
Really wintry run in the park this morning with Gatsby. The wind tossing the trees around and the clouds scudding across the sky. But one more day closer to spring! Last time I was talking about getting over my cancer and being surprised that somehow getting to grips with the challenge rather than being frightened of it, helped to increase my optimism, and my conviction that I could beat it. And optimism has been shown to be a very powerful factor in boosting our immune system ( see the new book I'm writing!)
But that is a theme that has been taken up by, among others, psychology professor Tal Ben Shahar from Harvard who talks about trying to find ' the seeds of the positive ' in the negative events that occur in all our lives. Being optimistic, he argues, certainly isn't about being eternally, smilingly cheerful. That would be totally unreal, and optimism is essentially about getting real; it's about turning towards and embracing our pains and our problems as a normal part of our life, rather than running away from them.
What is remarkable I think is just how closely that advice from a modern psychologist mirrors the sentiment expressed by Nichiren Daishonin in one of his down-to-earth letters to his followers, so long ago;
' Suffer what there is to suffer,' he writes, ' enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue chanting Nam Myoho renge kyo, no matter what happens.'
So we learn, it's only by getting up close to our problems that we can truly understand them. And only by trying to look for the seeds of the positive, even in things that go badly wrong, rather than being eaten up by the negative effects, that we can transform them. As I've mentioned on several,occasions, because it made such a strong impression on me, one of the things that struck me when I first began to go to Buddhist seminars and meetings, was the powerful sense of optimism, even when people were talking about all kinds of everyday hassles and problems. Life for these people was clearly about getting real. About seeing the problems for what they were, and challenging them, rather than being cast down by them. Ordinary people that is, with ordinary everyday problems, learning to see life differently, through the focusing lens of a Buddhist practice. And you can see how that approach makes it possible to establish a sort of self-reinforcing win-win process in our lives; the more we recognise and overcome the negativity, the weaker it becomes, and the stronger becomes our optimism and hope.
And the greatness of a Buddhist practice, in my experience, is precisely that, it's immense practicality. It delivers into our hands a method that has enabled all sorts of ordinary people, from every possible walk of life, and personality type, and background, to achieve just a slight shift in perspective...from negative to positive. Not a revolution, just that slight shift in perspective, and strange as it may seem, that is all that is needed. It may only be a slight change, but time and time again, it proves to be enough to help us embrace the problem, or handle the anxiety, with an optimistic outlook, that then leads on to positive outcomes.
But what does Buddhism have to say about that extreme form of negativity that breaks into all our lives, all too frequently...that we know as anger?
That's where we go next.
See you then.
William
Buy the book! It can only help to be able to go back and refer to it. Amazon about £950 I think or Kindle about £5.
Really wintry run in the park this morning with Gatsby. The wind tossing the trees around and the clouds scudding across the sky. But one more day closer to spring! Last time I was talking about getting over my cancer and being surprised that somehow getting to grips with the challenge rather than being frightened of it, helped to increase my optimism, and my conviction that I could beat it. And optimism has been shown to be a very powerful factor in boosting our immune system ( see the new book I'm writing!)
But that is a theme that has been taken up by, among others, psychology professor Tal Ben Shahar from Harvard who talks about trying to find ' the seeds of the positive ' in the negative events that occur in all our lives. Being optimistic, he argues, certainly isn't about being eternally, smilingly cheerful. That would be totally unreal, and optimism is essentially about getting real; it's about turning towards and embracing our pains and our problems as a normal part of our life, rather than running away from them.
What is remarkable I think is just how closely that advice from a modern psychologist mirrors the sentiment expressed by Nichiren Daishonin in one of his down-to-earth letters to his followers, so long ago;
' Suffer what there is to suffer,' he writes, ' enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue chanting Nam Myoho renge kyo, no matter what happens.'
So we learn, it's only by getting up close to our problems that we can truly understand them. And only by trying to look for the seeds of the positive, even in things that go badly wrong, rather than being eaten up by the negative effects, that we can transform them. As I've mentioned on several,occasions, because it made such a strong impression on me, one of the things that struck me when I first began to go to Buddhist seminars and meetings, was the powerful sense of optimism, even when people were talking about all kinds of everyday hassles and problems. Life for these people was clearly about getting real. About seeing the problems for what they were, and challenging them, rather than being cast down by them. Ordinary people that is, with ordinary everyday problems, learning to see life differently, through the focusing lens of a Buddhist practice. And you can see how that approach makes it possible to establish a sort of self-reinforcing win-win process in our lives; the more we recognise and overcome the negativity, the weaker it becomes, and the stronger becomes our optimism and hope.
And the greatness of a Buddhist practice, in my experience, is precisely that, it's immense practicality. It delivers into our hands a method that has enabled all sorts of ordinary people, from every possible walk of life, and personality type, and background, to achieve just a slight shift in perspective...from negative to positive. Not a revolution, just that slight shift in perspective, and strange as it may seem, that is all that is needed. It may only be a slight change, but time and time again, it proves to be enough to help us embrace the problem, or handle the anxiety, with an optimistic outlook, that then leads on to positive outcomes.
But what does Buddhism have to say about that extreme form of negativity that breaks into all our lives, all too frequently...that we know as anger?
That's where we go next.
See you then.
William
Buy the book! It can only help to be able to go back and refer to it. Amazon about £950 I think or Kindle about £5.
Friday 5 December 2014
my buddhist blog number 74
Hi Everybody,
It's just 5 o'clock in Kew. Dark and cold and windy and wintry outside. I've been sitting over a hot keyboard writing all afternnon so I'm itching to be off to the gym for a workout. Just time to write the blog. We were talking last time about this intriguing concept the Losada ratio, a measure of negativity in relationships, and that's where we pick it up.
' Most of us I'm sure won't have been aware of anything so specific as the Losada Ratio, but if we think about it even briefly, we can all recallsome experience of how this kind of subliminal negativity can affect us in everyday life. As we've mentioned, we can all recognise at once the huge difference that exists between the positive, optimistic, hope-filled colleague we happen to know at work who gets things done, and inspires others to get things done, even in the most challenging circumstances, and the opposite, the destructive, paralysing effect even a single, negatively-inclined colleague can have.
So too, our own negativity, when it is not recognised and resisted and overcome, can have a powerfully destructive effect, not just on our own lives, but on the lives of all those around us, al those whom our life touches. And as we now know, from the social research, the ripples of that effect do spread further afield, to touch the lives of their friends and colleagues too. And that word 'recognised ' is obviously crucial, because as Buddhism argues, it is the recognition above all else, our growing awareness if you like, of what is going on, that leads us to take positive action. It is only by being constantly vigilant and mindful of the reality of our negativity, and it's potential influence on our life state, that we are able to go into battle against it, and so begin the process of change, to establish control over the negative side of our nature.
It's not easy of course. Nor ever wholly won. As I've mentioned, Buddhism often presents the battle against negativity as a daily encounter, one of the main reasons for the discipline of the daily practice, to help us summon up our optimistic an dpositive spirit, and to drive out the negativity. And it's important to be clear, that being optimistic definitely doesn't mean unrealistic. So it does not mean denying the existence of the negative, or just pushing away any unfavourable information that comes at us. It doesn't mean constantly trying to control situations that simply cannot be controlled; we can never hope to establish complete control over the circumstances of our lives. It does mean applying effort, making a conscious effort to make that difficult positive choice, rather than that easier negative one. Our optimism that is, has to be broad enough and deep enough to embrace the sad, and the painful, and the suffering, as well as the joyful.
However hard it may be to achieve, it is undoubtedly a strategy that works. As I wrote that passage originally I had just emerged from a battle with cancer that had gone on over three years. I was able, joyfully, to use thepast tense because I'd come through to the other side. I had just been signed off by my consultant. So I can now say it was a battle, that involved me in a fair bit of physical and mental pain. But the key point I want to make is that as soon as I became aware of the cancer's existence, so too I became aware of my ability to embrace it as part of my life. an unwelcome part, but nonetheless part of me, and by embracing it I felt enabled to fight it positively, rather than be fearful of it. And all the time I was keenly aware that my stable optimism about my life, my overall sense of well-being was not dependent on only good things happening to me.
And that surprised me. '
Well that's it for today again. I'm off through the wintry gloom to the gym.
I hope your'e off to somewhere pleasing as well.
See you next time.
PS Just the usual reminder, you can get the book in an instant from Amazon, either as a pretty looking paper back or as a download for your Kindle. Both fantastic value!! And good Xmas presents for anybody whose life you might want to enhance!!
It's just 5 o'clock in Kew. Dark and cold and windy and wintry outside. I've been sitting over a hot keyboard writing all afternnon so I'm itching to be off to the gym for a workout. Just time to write the blog. We were talking last time about this intriguing concept the Losada ratio, a measure of negativity in relationships, and that's where we pick it up.
' Most of us I'm sure won't have been aware of anything so specific as the Losada Ratio, but if we think about it even briefly, we can all recallsome experience of how this kind of subliminal negativity can affect us in everyday life. As we've mentioned, we can all recognise at once the huge difference that exists between the positive, optimistic, hope-filled colleague we happen to know at work who gets things done, and inspires others to get things done, even in the most challenging circumstances, and the opposite, the destructive, paralysing effect even a single, negatively-inclined colleague can have.
So too, our own negativity, when it is not recognised and resisted and overcome, can have a powerfully destructive effect, not just on our own lives, but on the lives of all those around us, al those whom our life touches. And as we now know, from the social research, the ripples of that effect do spread further afield, to touch the lives of their friends and colleagues too. And that word 'recognised ' is obviously crucial, because as Buddhism argues, it is the recognition above all else, our growing awareness if you like, of what is going on, that leads us to take positive action. It is only by being constantly vigilant and mindful of the reality of our negativity, and it's potential influence on our life state, that we are able to go into battle against it, and so begin the process of change, to establish control over the negative side of our nature.
It's not easy of course. Nor ever wholly won. As I've mentioned, Buddhism often presents the battle against negativity as a daily encounter, one of the main reasons for the discipline of the daily practice, to help us summon up our optimistic an dpositive spirit, and to drive out the negativity. And it's important to be clear, that being optimistic definitely doesn't mean unrealistic. So it does not mean denying the existence of the negative, or just pushing away any unfavourable information that comes at us. It doesn't mean constantly trying to control situations that simply cannot be controlled; we can never hope to establish complete control over the circumstances of our lives. It does mean applying effort, making a conscious effort to make that difficult positive choice, rather than that easier negative one. Our optimism that is, has to be broad enough and deep enough to embrace the sad, and the painful, and the suffering, as well as the joyful.
However hard it may be to achieve, it is undoubtedly a strategy that works. As I wrote that passage originally I had just emerged from a battle with cancer that had gone on over three years. I was able, joyfully, to use thepast tense because I'd come through to the other side. I had just been signed off by my consultant. So I can now say it was a battle, that involved me in a fair bit of physical and mental pain. But the key point I want to make is that as soon as I became aware of the cancer's existence, so too I became aware of my ability to embrace it as part of my life. an unwelcome part, but nonetheless part of me, and by embracing it I felt enabled to fight it positively, rather than be fearful of it. And all the time I was keenly aware that my stable optimism about my life, my overall sense of well-being was not dependent on only good things happening to me.
And that surprised me. '
Well that's it for today again. I'm off through the wintry gloom to the gym.
I hope your'e off to somewhere pleasing as well.
See you next time.
PS Just the usual reminder, you can get the book in an instant from Amazon, either as a pretty looking paper back or as a download for your Kindle. Both fantastic value!! And good Xmas presents for anybody whose life you might want to enhance!!
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