Hi Everybody,
Beautiful spring day again here in southern England, clear blue cloudless skies and bright sunshine, and the trees busting out all over with white and pink cherry blossom, and the pale green leaves. Enough to make the heart sing as I was walking Gatsby through the trees in Richmond Park early this morning. Dog owners get the best of the day I'm inclined to think. Up early and out there while the dew is still on the grass. I'm sure I handle my e-mails completely differently because I've already been for that blow in the woods. Impossible to be grumpy...even when it's been raining!!
Anyway, grumpiness apart, we're back with this putting together a philosophy of life that is strong enough and resilient enough not to be dismantled when the next bout of tough and problematic stuff arrives, as it surely will. We're on page 91 of The case for Buddhism.
' If we look at som,e of the social and psychological research over the past ten or fifteen years or so, on dealing with stress and hardship and the kinds of problems that confront all of us at some stage in our lives, we find a quite extraordinary similarity of view with some of the things that we have just been discussing within Buddhism. I choose that word ' similarity ' with some care because of course the scientists don't have anything remotely Buddhist in mind when they are carrying out their research studies. Of course not. But that having been said, you can find all kinds of familiar and pleasing echoes when you read through their work.
Once you dig beneath the objective and scientific formality of phrases like ' construing benefit in trauma ' to get down to the actual human detail of the studies, and the understanding and the advice that emerges from them, we find ourselves in very familiar territory.
So where the problem is of an everyday naturefor example, the sort of thing we can all encounter at any time, such as having money problems so you find it difficult to pay the bills, or a troubling and disturbing dispute with a partner, or long-running dissatisfaction at work say, the psychologists talk about what they call problem-focused coping. Basically that means facing up to the problem, embracing it you might say, rather than trying to ignore it and letting it fester on. That means making a solid determination to do something about it, drawing up a plan of action for example and then putting it into effect. Any practising Buddhist would feel wholly comfortable with that sort of guidance. The only difference is that he or she would also immediately put the problem into their daily chantingto harness their compassion and their courage in tackling the issue.
Where the problem is clearly not everyday, and not resolvable in that way, because it involves the death of a loved one for example, or the break-up of a long-term relationship, or a life-threatening illness, where the emotional impact can be utterly overwhelming and uncontrollable, then psychologists talk of emotion-focused coping. That is to say, seeking ways to lessen the personal emotional burden by sharing it for example. Seeking support from close friends, or by getting involved in activities where you can play a role in helping others get through their problems, so you are drawn away from your own grief. Once again that sort of guidance sits right at the very heart of Buddhist compassion, and altruism, seeking to create value in other people's lives, rather than looking inwards and focusingn upon our own immediate problems or difficulties.
Moreover the psychologists go on to talk about the immense emotional benefit that can come from encouraging people to try to see beyond the pain and grief, to grasp the learning, or the personal growth, or the deeper appreciation of the preciousness of each day of life, that can come from going through such a challenging experience, and emerging on the other side, a stronger person. The psychologist Sonja Lyubomirski tells the story for example, of a wife who lost her husband after a long wasting disease, and who was able to see beyond her pain to say something quite extraordinary,
' I don't mean to be a Pollyanna, ' she said, ' but I had twenty wonderful years with that man. There are many people who don't have one day as happy as I had. It took me six months after Charley died to realise that that feeling will never go away. It's like the grand Canyon. There's this big hole, and it hurts like hell, but it's beautiful.'
I have to say that when I read that I find it not only immensely moving, almost to tears, but also deeply hopeful and encouraging. The psychologist concludes,
' Indeed most survivors experience a great deal of distress at the same time as reporting strengthening and progress. So the uphill road that leads to a more fulfilling and more meaningful life may be laid with stones and punctuated by troughs. There's absolutely nothing good about tragedy and loss, but something good can come from the struggle in their aftermath.'
Daniel Goleman expresses something very similar when he writes;
' There's much to be said for the constructive contribution of suffering to the creative and spiritua life; suffering can temper the soul.'
So it is clearly possible for us to master this powerful lesson that suffering drives us deeper, that something immensely valuable and life-enhancing can come out of the pain and the grief. It is not just a loss. it can be a great gain. '
Whew. That's enough I think. Possibly too much perhaps? As I've mentioned before , it's quite difficult to keep the argument going smoothly, and yet chop it into reasonable chunks. Hope I don't get it hopelessly wrong too often.
Keep well. Keep reading1
William
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